Thursday, April 5, 2012

fun in nyc

i'm trying to eat a cheeseburger in front of an office building in the midtown area. a tourist walks up to me with the vacantly stupid look that afflicts the truly lost and clueless. the following conversation takes place.

tourist: I hate to bother you while you're eating...

me: and yet here you are bothering me!

tourist: (laughing sheepishly) yes, well, the thing is, I was wondering if maybe you knew where I could find the...

me: people who would be happy to give you directions while NOT eating their lunch? they're all over the place!

tourist: but the thing is...

me: (pointing) look! there's one now!

tourist: oh, i understand.(frowns and walks away)

lately the streets are positively lousy with people soliciting for charity. the other day one of them tries this approach on me:

douchebag: hey! you look like an intelligent person...

me: nope. i am a fucking idiot. seriously.

douchebag: oh, now. really...

me: no. if i told you my life story you'd probably give me some money.

douchebag: (sounding a bit discomfited) uh, well...

me: c'mon. hook a brother up, why dontcha?

douchebag: (ignoring me and starting his spiel on someone else)

the last is not typical of my encounters on the street, but i was having kind of a shitty day.

and recently i noticed an ad on the side of a phone booth for some product called "headshave". the ad featured a big picture of Telly Savalas on it with a caption saying something about a classic look that never goes out of style. are people endorsing products from the grave now? more like "deadshave" if you ask me.